I found myself crying while reminiscing my childhood at 4 am. I used to live in the countryside together with my grandparents and my life used to be simple and easy. I would always wake up at 5:30 am to have breakfast with my grandfather who usually prepares me a good cup of tea. I always love how the cold morning air kisses my skin while I sit on our front porch watching my grandfather do his morning routine. He always turns on his radio which serves as a background music that fills my ears while I watch the sky turn from a dark shade to a lighter one. Later on, my grandmother would join us. She enjoys her coffee a tad bit sweeter. I actually love how it tastes.
After having breakfast, they would go to the market. My elder sister and I would always be left alone in the house watching cartoons until they come back. I would always peek at the groceries while my grandmother puts it away. My grandmother cooks the most delicious food! We always eat lunch together.
I usually take an afternoon nap. My grandparents once told me that it is essential for me to grow taller. I would always wake up in time for the sun to set. I would stay in our Nipa hut before darkness dominates the sky. Again, we always eat dinner together then afterwards, we would watch the news and the following TV shows. Before I even knew it, I would already drift off to dreamland and I would magically wake up in my bed which I share with my sister.
How I miss those tranquil and carefree days. Everything is so different now. It’s so lonely. I want to go back in time but unfortunately, I can’t. I need to face reality and keep moving forward.
I miss my old life. I miss it so much.
Slowly, I’m getting my senses back. February has been yet another eventful month for me. I learned a lot.
I’ve been spending so much time with my friends. We always hang out after school that always results for me to go home as late as 12pm which is past my curfew. I know, I know. I am being such a brat. I shouldn’t be taking advantage of my parent’s kindness. Plus, I also spend my weekends with my friends which totally takes away my time for my family. My friend cried earlier telling me that she just had a talk with her dad and she really misses spending quality time with them. I thought about it and damn, that’s also exactly what I feel. I miss my family. I miss sitting down the couch watching random television shows with them. I feel like I totally neglected them. I am so busy having fun while they worry and wait for me to get home. I feel bad and so insensitive. I should keep on reminding myself that family should always come first. God, I love them!
I also realized that I shouldn’t be slacking off. Funny, but almost half of my future depends on how I do as a student so I should at least study well. It’s for my sake. After all, It’s not yet late. I still have 2 weeks to do my best! I still have to take finals and I’m going to kill it, Haha!
Though it’s been one hell of a week, I still feel so alive and happy. I’m starting to appreciate and see the better side of life again.
I am working on my trust issues. I hope that the people I gave my trust will not let me down. I hope they take care of it. But most of all, I am so glad that I learned to trust myself again. I will be able to achieve my goals if I work hard for it and that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll work my ass off achieving my dreams because I know that in the end, it’ll be all worth it! I hope it is.
I love life! ;)
Prom was a disaster.
Everything seems dull. It’s so sad.
January is such an eventful yet a lonely month for me. I lost motivation in going to school. I was always late. I know that it isn’t a really clever thing to slack off since we’re already on our last quarter and I should be exerting my best efforts in my studies but I feel so uninspired to the point that I just want to get over each day in a snap, if possible.
I am so thankful I have a really great best friend. I was so down but talking to her made everything feel better. I love her so much! She knows me more than I know myself. Even though we’re away from each other, I can still feel her love radiating on me.
Prom is on Valentines day. I am not really excited and so is my mom. Sometimes, I get really jealous of my classmates since they’re very lucky to have such supportive moms. I don’t even have a dress yet.
Tomorrow is Monday and I am considering the idea of skipping school because my brain is telling me to do so. I can’t wait ‘til summer break kicks in! I hate my life right now. It’s boring af. I am desperately hunting for a thrill.
I pretend tough and whole on the outside but I am breaking, I am hurting. I am so good in masking my emotions. No one ever notices. No one ever cares. The thought is making me nauseous and I just wanted to stay under the warmth of my blankets and cry myself to sleep. I want to stay there, I want to stay in the comfort of my dreams.
I am so productive today! *pats self* I sorted out my clothes and did some mix and match. I’m planning to make an outfit post on New Year’s day! I’m so excited to visit my granny in the province. I miss her so much! Good night everyone!
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green is totally one of the best books I’ve read. I finished reading this book after 2 weeks although I could get it done in a day. I just don’t want the story to end yet and have my heart broken over Augustus Waters. Damn, I fell in love with this fictional character! I cried so much in the ending and literally didn’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I’ve seen the movie poster and if I’m not mistaken, it’ll be showing on June 6, 2014. I’m so excited to see the movie and I hope it gives justice to the book! If you haven’t read it yet, then you’re totally missing out! Purchase the book or borrow it from your school library! It’s a wonderful novel.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
Benedict Smith (via xombiemastermind)